Why you cannot relax – and why that is completely okay Many people try to meditate or simply “calm down” and fail. As soon as they close their eyes, their breathing becomes shallow, the body grows restless, thoughts start racing. Some feel nothing at all, others feel panic. And they ask themselves: What is wrong with me? The answer is: nothing. You are not incapable of relaxation – your body simply believes that safety is dangerous. Why safety is the prerequisite for relaxati

When the nervous system is stuck in permanent alert mode Many people report symptoms such as inner restlessness, concentration difficulties, forgetfulness, or impulsivity – typical signs that are quickly associated with ADHD (Attention Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder). Yet a neurobiological disorder is not always the underlying cause. Very often, the same symptoms are produced by a chronically overstimulated nervous system that has been thrown out of balance by long-term str

If you have experienced narcissistic abuse, you know this paralysing feeling: you tell someone what happened and expect compassion, understanding, perhaps even shock. Instead, you hear sentences like, “Just live your life.”  – “Look ahead.”  – or, in the worst case: “You’re overreacting.” The problem with these responses? They strike directly at the core of the wound left by psychological abuse. Narcissistic abuse thrives on systematically calling your perception into questio

Many survivors tell me: “I realised it far too late.”  I felt the same way myself – for a long time, I did not recognise that my former partner was a narcissist. This is because the spectrum of narcissistic personality structures is extremely broad. While the underlying motivation is the same in all narcissists – control, power, supply – the outward expressions vary greatly. Some present as loud, aggressive, and dominant. Others appear quiet, understanding, and helpful. In be

Our nervous system is the most finely tuned control centre of our body. When it becomes overstimulated – through chronic stress, emotional strain, or persistent states of alert – the entire organism reacts. On a hormonal level, two systems are particularly affected: cortisol and insulin. They influence each other closely and, when thrown out of balance, can contribute to chronic exhaustion, weight gain, sleep disturbances, and emotional instability. Cortisol – the constant co

In my coaching work with survivors of narcissistic abuse, one question comes up again and again: How can someone be like this? How can a person who says they love me cause so much pain at the same time? This question is so tormenting because it is asked through the lens of our own logic. We measure with the standards of our own capacity for love: If I love someone, I do not want to hurt them.  And this is exactly where the trap lies – we are applying a logic that simply does

Why it is so important to leave a narcissistic relationship There are moments in my work when someone writes something that captures the dynamics of a destructive bond with such clarity that you can feel how much truth it carries. Not theoretical truth, not something learned from books, but something that comes from deep within a person who knows exactly what their own wounds feel like and how those wounds pull others into them. Especially when trying to leave a narcissistic