Narcissistic abuse: why validation is so essential for your healing

If you have experienced narcissistic abuse, you know this paralysing feeling: you tell someone what happened and expect compassion, understanding, perhaps even shock. Instead, you hear sentences like, “Just live your life.” – “Look ahead.” – or, in the worst case: “You’re overreacting.”

The problem with these responses? They strike directly at the core of the wound left by psychological abuse. Narcissistic abuse thrives on systematically calling your perception into question. Gaslighting, blame-shifting, subtle and overt devaluation have led you to stop trusting yourself.

And then the same thing happens again out there in the “normal world”. Your environment minimises what happened. Friends who cannot grasp it say, “It was just a difficult relationship.” Family members want things to “finally calm down again.” Even professionals are not immune. Time and again, clients tell me that therapists or coaches say things like, “That’s just heartbreak.” – “You’re simply too sensitive.” – or “Pull yourself together.”

Re-traumatisation instead of healing

Such statements are not comfort – they are violence. Because they repeat exactly what you already experienced during the abuse: your reality is denied, your feelings are minimised, your experiences are invalidated. This is not merely insensitive; it is a form of re-traumatisation.

For someone trying to heal from narcissistic abuse, this means being made invisible a second time. The wound that has only just been opened is covered with a new layer of shame and doubt. And that is precisely why it is a scandal that so many survivors are denied the validation they urgently need on their path to healing.

Why validation of narcissistic abuse is crucial

Healing begins where someone says: “Yes. I believe you. Your experiences are real.” This sentence is more than a little reassurance – it is like emergency surgery on the soul. It cuts through the endless loop of self-doubt, guilt, and inner chaos that narcissistic abuse creates.

From a psychological perspective, something essential happens here: our nervous system begins to regulate when we receive resonance. When another person mirrors back to us that what we experienced truly happened, the body stops sounding the alarm constantly. Validation is therefore not a luxury, but a vital healing resource.

Why we so rarely receive it

The fact that survivors so often do not receive genuine acknowledgement of their experiences has several reasons:

• Lack of awareness in the environment: Those who do not understand narcissistic abuse cannot grasp its destructive dynamics.

• Societal myths: “It always takes two” or “every relationship has its problems” – phrases that protect perpetrators and silence victims.

• Insufficient professional training: Not all therapists are trained in the specific consequences of psychological abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, and related dynamics.

• Lack of personal experience: Coaches or therapists who have never experienced this themselves often underestimate the severity of the impact and resort to minimisation that harms rather than helps.

How my coaching can support you

At the heart of my coaching is exactly this: a safe space in which you are allowed to speak your truth – without devaluation, without relativisation. I have experienced narcissistic abuse myself and know first-hand what it feels like when no one believes you, and how profoundly healing it is when someone finally says: “Yes, this is real. You are not imagining things. You are not too sensitive. You have experienced violence – and you are allowed to heal.”

Only when your reality is seen and acknowledged can you begin to rebuild trust in yourself, calm your nervous system, and step by step find your way back to inner freedom.

And that is exactly what I offer you: to give you the acknowledgement and validation you need – not as a superficial fix, but as a foundation for your healing journey. If you like, you are welcome to explore whether you feel comfortable working with me in a free introductory call.