Feeling safe in your own body again: the first step towards relaxation with an overwhelmed nervous system

Why you cannot relax – and why that is completely okay

Many people try to meditate or simply “calm down” and fail. As soon as they close their eyes, their breathing becomes shallow, the body grows restless, thoughts start racing. Some feel nothing at all, others feel panic. And they ask themselves: What is wrong with me? The answer is: nothing. You are not incapable of relaxation – your body simply believes that safety is dangerous.

Why safety is the prerequisite for relaxation

Our nervous system is designed to protect us. Anyone who has experienced fear, chronic stress, or abuse over a longer period of time teaches their body that calm equals danger. During trauma, stillness meant being at someone else’s mercy, so the body chooses constant alertness instead. It keeps you awake, tense, ready. That is why relaxation does not work on command. It only becomes possible once the body understands: I am safe now.

The first step: feeling yourself again

Many people with an overstimulated nervous system barely feel their bodies anymore. They live “from the neck up”. Sensations, warmth, tension, breathing – everything runs on minimal power. Yet this is exactly where healing begins. It is not about letting go immediately, but about re-establishing contact with yourself.

The goal is:

to inhabit your body again, to perceive sensations without fear, to recognise small moments of safety. This is not a spiritual process, but a biological one. The vagus nerve, which is responsible for rest and digestion, can only become active when the body registers safety.

How to feel safe in your own body again

This is where the practical part begins. Safety arises through small physical experiences, not through thinking. These exercises help you return to yourself step by step:

1️⃣ Feel the ground beneath you. Gently press your feet into the floor. Notice the weight of your legs. The ground carries you – always.

2️⃣ Look around the room. Consciously take in your surroundings and silently name three colours or objects. This signals to your brain: there is no danger here.

3️⃣ Move if your body wants to. Shaking, yawning, stretching – everything is allowed. These are signs that stored energy is being released. Do not suppress them.

4️⃣ Find your safe place. Recall a place or a being (for example an animal) where you feel calm. Tune in: where in your body does it soften just a little? That is enough.

5️⃣ Do not breathe deeply – breathe consciously. Deep breathing can be overwhelming. Instead, observe your breath without trying to change it. This is regulation, not force.

How you can tell that you are making progress

• You no longer react immediately to every stimulus.

• Your sense of your body begins to return – sometimes first as tension or tingling.

• You feel present more often, rather than disconnected.

• You can pause briefly without the urge to escape.

• You no longer need constant distraction.

  
  

These signs do not mean that you are “healed”, but that your nervous system is slowly beginning to trust.

When professional support is helpful

If sensing your body triggers fear, if old memories surface, or if your physical reactions feel overwhelming, what you need is not “more courage”, but support. A trauma-informed coach or therapist can help you regulate your system safely.

Because healing does not happen through heroism, but through safety.